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The Edward Cullen/Peter Griffin Crisis

It seems as though every generation has its hero that comes along and sets unrealistic romantic expectations for the rest of us. Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind, these guys set the standard for how women expected to be treated. Take Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind. He’s absolutely crazy for Scarlett O’Hara. On the surface you might think this makes sense as Scarlet is beautiful and has nice outfits. However, on closer inspection we learned that she was a gold digging, prudish-whore (sort of an oxymoron but if you’ve seen the movie you’ll know what I’m talking about). What woman didn’t want their own Rhett Butler after seeing this movie? He’s rich, dangerous, you can treat him like crap for years before he’ll leave you, and he’ll shower you in gifts.

But where has Rhett been hiding? I didn’t see any Rhetts in the latest Jonah Hill or Michael Cera movie. He’s not on the radio either, as I can’t think of any of the Jonas Brothers that I would describe as “dangerous”. But the fact of the matter is, he’s back, and like the original Rhett, he’s in a book.

Edward Cullen, the main character of Twilight by author Stephanie Meyers is the 2008 answer to the Jeopardy question “Who is destroying the lives of women everywhere?” Physically, Edward is described as nothing short of perfection. He’s tall, handsome, and muscular with super human strength and speed, infinite wealth, and oh yeah, he’s also a vampire. After spending about 90 years single he finally falls in love (before this he was probably that one guy everyone has in their family that you swear is gay but never comes out of the closet, but who is always bringing their “friend” “Steve” to family gatherings) with mortal Bella Swan. Bella is a normal looking every day 17 year old girl. Now, consequently, normal looking girls everywhere (like me) think we have a shot with an Edward. We are all Samantha Baker waiting for our Jake Ryan to ask us out (that was a 16 Candles reference for all you youngsters out there). The problem with this, and thus why Edward is destroying the lives of women everywhere, is he doesn’t freakin exist! He’s fabulous and fictional and we all just need to get over it.

Why? Because instead we got stuck with Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Peter is overweight, he farts in Meg’s cereal, he drinks a lot, and chances are if you are in a relationship he’s sitting on your couch right now. That’s right girls; men did not get the memo. While we were wasting away reading the Twilight books, learning how men are meant to behave, our husbands, boyfriends, life-partners, etc. were watching Family Guy. Even though Peter is a cartoon, he’s very real and we all need to accept it. Our guys may not drive an Aston-Martin or read minds, but they will take us to a KISS concert and watch old Pauly Shore movies with us. Is this enough? I suppose it has to be. However, on November 21st, while my Peter is at the Drunken Clam with his friends, I’ll be out with the girls watching Twilight wondering what it might be like to be Bella.

Via: Daemons movies